We all have our difficult times and moments in our lives, things we can't control. We've been hurt by someone or some situation, and there we can turn to friends and family to be comforted. But...
What if YOU are the one who caused the pain?
Justification might work for some individuals, but if you are anything like me, it's better to be stung by the raw truth in realization that I've erred. Maybe if you are being too hard on yourself, justification is a necessity to help you get through. I'm not going to justify anything, though. Pain is my comfort. An oxymoron if there ever was one, but you might agree with me if you've ever made a horrible mistake that you can't take back. Making mistakes is all part of growing up and learning, and I realize that, but healing takes time. Is it a sin if you postpone forgiving yourself?
Another realization: It is possible to break your own heart. Everyone's heard that you never know what you've got until you say goodbye. Or maybe it should be that you never know how much you care for someone until you cause them pain. That's how it works. Life is one big irony. It's too bad that life isn't like baseball: 3 strikes and then you're out. That's not how it works. We don't have a pitcher giving us one out of just a few choices. Things come all at once sometimes, flying at you from every angle. If you strike out, you don't get to do it over. Don't get me wrong; second chances- even 100th chances- are given all the time, everywhere, but you can't take back what's already been done.
Why do we do the things we do? There are reasons for most of them, even the stupid ones. Sometimes, though, we don't have reasons or excuses. We just do stupid things. We just make mistakes. To boil it all down: it sucks. Do NOT go out and feel like life itself sucks, though. Think of your blessings, and all the people who honestly care about you. I certainly don't deserve them, but I've got them anyway, and I'm grateful. I know I can be strong. I know I can make it through, but this time, it's going to take longer because I'm the one who had the ball in my court, and I made a bad serve. I certainly have learned a lesson.